For an excuse to deck someone in the fucking face.

A lot of different emotions climbing up and down my brainstem.  Lets cover the bad ones first, because talking about bad things is giving me a sick sort of pleasure at the moment.
I put all my hopes into getting this one job that I didn’t get.  None of the other places that I applied to called back.  I call back and they won’t answer.  I don’t even have enough money to get something to eat, for fucks sake.  I have no car still, and just after I get my piece of shit bike repaired, I get a flat tire when my back tire hits one of the curbs.  Thanks a lot, city of Tallahassee, for deciding where and where not to put pedestrian ramps.  Really helping a guy like me out.  I was riding my bike from home to Lake Ella, to get some coffee at Black Dog.  Forgot that I had no money.  I had to sit there and listen to the shitheads next to me tell me how hard it is to get a job with a college degree.  How it’s even becoming a hindrance.  On the way back my tire explodes, and ever since i’ve been hoofing it.  If I may tell you, it is oppressively hot, I can barely keep my eyes open because not only am I walking on these searing concrete paths, but the sun is so damn bright, light is actually reflecting off of the concrete and into my retinas.  I have nothing prepared for my mask workshop still, and right now, frankly, i’m not in the mood for any theatre.  I’m not in the mood for anything but being pissed off.  I’m tired of looking at myself, wondering what I need to improve on.  Don’t complement me because I said something sad.  Don’t tell me what my problem is.  I don’t want to grow up to be bitter and alone and blaming everything but myself, but yesterday and today have certainly been steps in that direction.

For the good stuff now.  I did pretty well on my french exam, I finally climbed a tree that has been particularly difficult, I just brewed some pretty good coffee at home, I’m going to read for Cassie’s play, My computer is working, And I wrote two pretty good songs last night.  And i’m wearing clothes.  And I have youth, and all my hair.  I have good eyesight.  I have all my limbs. 

I have a lot of shit that people always remind me I have when I say I have it rough.  But these are all people who have more than me.

And I am bitter and on fire.  I am highly flammable lime juice.  My undying goal is to explode into somebody’s eye.

Whoops, I took a turn there.  If you read all this madness, you’re a trooper.